Lots of people and institutions had a blast in 2011. But, some are really looking forward to throwing out their 2011 Majestic Steeds calendar and putting up a new 2012 Glorious Horses calendar. Here is a humble blog post for those who won and lost in the two oh one one. 

NFL / NBA 

Both of these organizations had major labor disputes. One of them solved everything just in time, and treated their fans to a pretty exciting, full-length season. The OTHER really messed everything up, building up irritation in its players and fans. Then, scrambling, this organization put together a shortened season that is definitely going to end up in lots of injuries. As the NFL enters a thrilling final week of the season, with a couple play-off spots still up for grabs, the NBA started up on Christmas Day and sort of hopes nobody notices. 

People who say they liked Rise of the Planet of the Apes / People who say they liked Drive

Rise of the Planet of the Apes was a ton of fun! It was a great action movie, and even though you could basically see Franco scanning the cue cards, there was great acting. John Lithgow was great and sad, and… Latika from Slumdog Millionaire was good too. The scene on the Golden Gate Bridge was bad-ass, and by the end of the movie, you’re sort of rooting for the apes, right? Just a cool movie.

[Quick side note: My only beef with the movie was the scene when Franco brings his giant pet monkey to Latika. Latika, a veterinarian, apparently has no reaction at all to this monkey THAT KNOWS SIGN LANGUAGE. How crazy is that? How many monkeys on the planet know sign language? This monkey CAN TALK. And this animal expert is reacting to it like someone got a new watch. Latika’s like, “Oh, that’s cool, where’d you get it?” THIS MONKEY KNOWS SIGN LANGUAGE!!! YOU SHOULD BE FREAKING OUT!!! Whatever. Still a great movie.] 

Drive, on the other hand… maybe I’m just not artsy enough for it. When the movie started, and we got eight-to-twelve minute aerial shots of LA, I’m thinking, “cool, this is just going to be some nice looking aerial shots of LA, and I’ll enjoy the… cinematography?… as much as I can. Then, Christina Hendricks gets the top of her head blown off. That was a little abrupt, wasn’t it? We go from handsome close-ups of Ryan Gosling to more handsome close-ups of Ryan Gosling, except oh wait now his face is always sprayed with blood. That’s art, guys! I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t get it, but it felt like two decent movies crammed into one reel. There was just too much turning without signaling. (…because there are cars in this movie. Boom.)

Sutton Foster / Julie Taymor 

If you know me, or if you’ve been around me after a few beers, you’d know that Sutton Foster had one of the best years in Broadway history. Instead of waxing theater-ific about her performance in this year’s revival of Anything Goes, just read this review I wrote a while ago. Without going overboard, she is simply a perfect human being. 

And Julie, Julie, Julie… oh man. All Julie Taymor had to do to cement her career as a brilliant Broadway director was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Everyone loves the The Lion King! Native New Yorkers want to see it so badly they’re doing the unthinkable: buying full price tickets online. Tourists want to see it so badly they’re sweating through their wolf t-shirts to get to TKTS before they run out. Taymor’s career could have been an endless series of post-show exclamations like, “Wow, that was great, I loved the bird guy! Whoa, it says here she directed Across the Universe, I love that too! This lady is great!” 

But no. Taymor had to go and direct the biggest financial disaster in American theater history. With all the money they spent, I’m surprised Occupy Wall Street didn’t leave a horse’s head in her undoubtedly weird, gothic bed. I hope Taymor bounces back, but I can’t see any Broadway producers cutting her a check any time soon. Speaking of… 

The idea behind Occupy Wall Street / The actual protest of Occupy Wall Street 

Bring it on, everyone I know in NYC. Look, the idea behind this protest is great: let’s make these finance guys stop drinking Vodka-sodas in Murray Hill and make them take some responsibility. That idea is admirable, noble, and necessary. But the protest got a little weird, didn’t it? Before I could blink the whole thing went from resembling the Boston Tea Party to resembling the Ultimate Frisbee Team Party. I’m not saying the protest wasn’t effective, it certainly was. Still, it could’ve used a little more of a unified message, a little less drumming, a little more organization, and a little less white guys with dreadlocks. 

Marvel / DC

Okay, this is a little biased. I’m a huge, life-long Marvel fan, and I just never really got into DC (guy’s gotta have a budget, right?). But The Green Lantern movie was really, really bad and that should’ve been a home run for Marvel’s Distinguished Competition. DC got a huge bounce back with their new 52 titles, and when The Dark Knight Rises comes out, I will explode with joy. So, as Drake would say, DC will be fine like a ticket on the dash. 

Simultaneously, in the Marvel world, the Spider Island storyline that appeared in Amazing Spider-Man this fall was one of the best stories I have ever read. Not one of the best comics I have ever read, one of the best stories I have ever read. It was suspenseful and cool, and the writers did a really great job of popping in strong female characters (I only mention that because the writing staff is all dudes, and sometimes it’s hard to write women. Palahniuk writes women really well, and I think that’s about it). In fact, this whole year of ASM has been awesome; storylines like The Gauntlet, Grim Hunt, and the whole Venom spin-off have been conceptually airtight and just fun to read. Wait, ladies, where are you going…? Okay, fine, I don’t care. ASM had a great 2011.

The X-Universe made some bold changes. The Schism storyline changed the whole X-Men landscape, and definitively set Wolverine and Cyclops at odds. Plus, and I hate to admit this, but the Gambit-Rogue-Magneto love triangle is totes cray. Ugh, I really don’t like that last sentence, but I’m keeping it. I talk about the X-Men: Legacy storyline in the exact same way I hear women talk about Sex and the City. Wait, ladies, why is everyone running now…? Okay, fine, I don’t care. Marvel killed 2011 and I’m looking forward to following these stories, and more, in 2012.  

Heaven / Earth 

Adios to Steve Jobs, Patrice O’Neal, Amy Winehouse, and others I’m sure I’m missing. 

If you read all this stuff, thanks, and let me know if there’s anything I missed.